How Do You Drink When There's Blood In the Water?
by Echante
Summary: Derek sighs, “There’s a two o’clock flight to L.A.” he swirls his laptop in Mark’s direction, “you’re in seat 16A, I couldn’t get first class.” Mark and Derek have a talk and then Mark goes to L.A. following the crossovers.


**A/N: **Dear Shonda, I have questions: Like first, how did Sam know what the hell Addison was talking about when she said she'd been in-love with Mark? And second, why did you completely ignore backstory? And third, why did they all of the sudden become happy go lucky when they left on such awkward terms? And why is Mark Sloan OOC? What the hell happened to him? He's not sleezy now… he's just… I've been having hard time writing because it's really hard to reconcile this Mark and then one I thought I knew. I get that he's grown up but he doesn't even seem like the same person anymore and that's not something I enjoy. MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHY DOESN'T MARK SLOAN _SMIRK_ ANYMORE?

XXXXXX

_Where do you turn when the world moves on?_

"Why'd it take you so long?" It's a pretty straight forward question, but Mark doesn't know the answer, and even if he did, he's not sure Derek would be the person to tell.

"What do you mean?" He feigns ignorance in exchange for time and it irritates Derek to no end.

"You know what I'm talking about Mark, you come to me with this, I get to ask some questions. When Addison came out here to hash things out with me, why did it take you all those months to come and get her?"

Mark shrugs, "I thought I could forget her," he sighs and shakes his head, "No. That's not it. I think at the point I knew that wasn't possible… but I thought that there might be a chance that the two of you might be happy, and then she called me and said she wasn't… so I knew I had to go out there."

Derek freezes, "She called you?"

He shrugs again, "She called me several times when she was here," he chokes back the dregs of animosity and tries to sound nonchalant, "she was having some problems…"

Derek sighs and brings his hands to his forehead, rubbing circles into his temple, "I didn't treat her right," he acknowledges, "I was just so mad at her, and she… she was always there."

A little of his anger at Derek flares again, "She was trying to fix things!"

Derek stares at the other man, examines him studiously and then he asks suspiciously, "Mark, you came to me, you said you turned Addison down, you said you were in love with her but you aren't anymore… you said you made the right choice… Do you really believe any of that? Do you? Because if you don't then I don't even know why we're here…"

"I do!" He protests, "I do! She…" his face contorts, "I would hurt her, she was just sitting there, and she looked so happy and so hopeful and I, I couldn't… I couldn't be the one to take that on…" he sighs, "she deserves someone so much better than me, I don't know what I was thinking; I have one relationship under my belt and I ruined it because of a kid I didn't know existed. I would hurt her, and if that happened... I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself."

Derek takes a moment to digest and then looks at him sympathetically, "You son-of-a-bitch," he says chuckling, "you never got over her! You fooled us all this entire time, I didn't even fucking know that you were in-love with her. Fuck. I thought she was a conquest or something." He shakes his head, "Well goddamn."

Mark looks over angrily, "Well I'm so glad this is so funny to you, but I did. I got over her, I grew up, I moved on."

Derek looked over at him surprised and then asks, "Tell me this Mark, you were offered a fellowship in L.A. how many times? The Chicago practice offered you five times the salary you had, but…" and Derek shakes his head at himself for not recognizing it, "Whenever Addy asked you if you were going you said, 'now isn't the time,' or some other bullshit along those lines. Why is that?"

"You were there…" he shrugs, "you're the only family I had."

"Bullshit! We hardly talked Mark, all I ever said to you then was 'take Addy out, I'm running late,' and you used to offer! You wouldn't move because of her! Not because of me." He laughs, "How long were you and Addison together before I found out?"

Mark's eyes grow big but he tries to hide it, "that was the first time," he stammers.

"Yeah, sure, how long?"

Mark sighs, "Eight months."

Derek scoffs, "And then three months afterwards, that's almost a full year… My God Mark… Was it really worth all of that for sex?"

And something inside of him explodes, "I'm fucking in-love with her alright? You don't have to bait me, I am not a fish, I do not need to be caught! You think I don't know that I'm in love with her? That I'll always be in-love with her? But she'll never be happy with me, she'll always need more and I can't have that! I can't fucking have that Derek! I can't be her slave because she settled for me; I can't allow her to pick something that's not good enough for her! I can't do that."

Derek decides to push one final time, because he figures it needs to be said, "But you'll let that happen to Lexie?"

Mark's almost crying now and it hurts, but Derek also knows that the first step to recovery is admittance so he pressures on, "You'll let that happen to Lexie?"

Mark chokes out, "I love her, I do."

Derek repeats the question, "But you'll let her fall in love with a damaged man?"

"Fuck you Shepherd," he says nastily, "We're no longer friends."

Derek sighs, "There's a two o'clock flight to L.A." he swirls his laptop in Mark's direction, "you're in seat 16A, I couldn't get first class."

XXXXXX

"Did you want him to say yes?" Naomi clamors around the kitchen searching for her punchbowl.

"I don't know… He's changed so much that I didn't even recognize him until we were rolling around on the floor. I just thought… he was lovely… he was lovely this time… but I miss the old him and that one barely showed up until we were naked." She smiles because she's beginning to reminisce, "You know he could always make me laugh, he could always make me forget how shitty life was, at least for a couple of minutes. Nobody else understood, but he made me smile and that's why I loved him."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Naomi exclaimed in surprise, "when did you love him?"

Addison sighed, "I don't really know if I loved him… I'm not sure if it was love but there was something. He meant something to me, and I kept coming back so I begun to think that he was everything…" she's lost by now, and Naomi doesn't really know where to find her, it could be anywhere on a spectrum of years, "you know I once told him that he'd make someone really happy someday. I didn't know back then that it could have been me… it never even occurred to me… but he did… make me happy, he was very good at that."

Noami's eyes crinkle in confusion because once again, Addison didn't answer the question. "You know what I think?" She asks, pouring some sprite into the bowl.

"What?" And Addison is almost begging for it, begging for answers.

"I think you've lied to yourself too many times and for too many years and now you're at the point where you don't even know who or what you want with your life and that kills you because you think you know everything."

Addison makes a face, "I thought Violet was the shrink."

Naomi shrugs, "I can read you like a book."

"I'm going home to shout at the ocean; at least it doesn't try to psychoanalyze me."

"Love hurts babe!" Naomi calls after her, but she's already screaming at waves.

XXXXXX

She has to admit that it's a view she never gets used to. She raises a glass and toasts with the ocean, it may be the closest thing she has to a lover now, but at least it dotes on her like no man ever has.

She knows he's there before he speaks and she closes her eyes to let his nearness wash over her. It's not a feeling you can prepare for, the overwhelming lust and passion that he gives off but she tries and savors it and he's there grinning behind her. "I didn't realize that you weren't lying when you said all you ever do is lounge around at the beach."

"Well," she flips a hand lazily in the air, "it's true." And then she turns to stare at him, "What do you want?" She almost snaps it and she's surprised at how much she cares.

He takes a slight step back and studies her, tries to remember the contours of a language that he used to be fluent. "I'm not really sure." He admits steadily, "I know I'm here."

"Well that's a step," she smirks sarcastically, "at least you're not drunk."

He laughs, "Yeah…"

"Hey you broke my heart, you should at least have the decency to, you know, stay in your own state."

"I miss you."

"Who doesn't?"

"I love you."

"Who wouldn't?" Addison laughs and then turns to look at him with a smile on her face, "you didn't need to come back this time," she says shyly, "I would have understood."

He shakes his head, "I wouldn't."

"Mark, I was a bitch to you… back in New York, back in Seattle… and she… she loves you, she's…" and she can't bring herself to say anything good about her, because it really does hurt to be replaced by another child, "she's cute," she manages, "she's not going to hurt you, not like I did…"

And Mark interrupts her mid thought, "And I don't love her… not like I loved you… not like how I was willing to give up everything for you, I gave up my life for you Addy, I gave up my practice, I gave up countless of job offers that threatened to move me away from you! I gave it all up for half of a relationship and the grace of your presence." At some point he's moved so he's sitting above her, and his fingers are twirling circles along her hair. "So I may be the stupidest man on this entire earth but I am an unchanging one. And I love you more than anything or anyone and that's always been true."

"If you loved me," there are tears beginning to dwell in her eyes, "then why did you leave?"

Mark sighs, "I think you know. Why did you always leave?"

Addison mirrors his weariness, "I didn't want you to get hurt…" she says weakly, "You were protecting me?"

"It was stupid really, I know I wouldn't hurt you, I _know _that if you would even give me the chance I'd spend forever with you. So please Addy, take me back?"

Addison smiles with her eyes and reaches up and plays with the hairs on the back of his neck. When they kiss this time, it's slow and savory, and it feels as if they're breathing, into one, out of the other. They share the air like they've always shared a soul, and for the first time, it is united into one.


End file.
